Emoh Buggz
by YonderB
Summary: Oneshot. Yuffie is on a mission to rid Cloud of Emoh Buggz. Problem is, the only way to rid someone of Emoh Buggz is for Yuffie to hug them. Cloud foils her plans every time. Yuffie isn't going to let him win this time. Pathetic summary.


It was a cool day at Radiant Garden, gentle breezes occasionally wafting through the calm streets, a heartless or two meeting their demise almost instantaneously after their appearance, people milling in and out of the streets.

It was a nice, calm day.

"CLOOOOUD!"

Sort of.

The blonde who's name had been shrieked a bare millisecond before, immediately whipped around and shot out a foot.

"_G'UGH!_"

Cloud strife stared, flatly, at the being that flailed from it's place; impaled on his thick-soled boot.

"_CLOOOOUD!_" Yuffie wailed one again, reaching her arms out and making grabby-hands at the older man, his worn boot pressed firmly against her chest, stopping her progress of making any movement to touch him. She had just been about to run strait into the older man, and-- boom! She was stopped! How _rude_!

"Yes?" Cloud asked, Mako blue eyes blank, barely registering the quivering pout and gleaming tears upon Yuffie's young face.

"Why don't you _ever_ let me hug you?!" wailed the girl, tugging at his pant-leg; the only thing she could reach.

"I don't hug people," Strife answered flatly, bending his outstretched leg slightly, only to snap it strait again, Yuffie letting out a surprised squeak and falling upon her rump.

"What about _other people_ hugging you?" Yuffie sniffed from the ground, rubbing her bruised rump and pouting up at the older man as he settled his foot back on the ground.

"They don't," was the reply.

"I do!" was the high-pitched squawk.

"No, you haven't."

Yuffie's lower lip jutted out at that. So, he'd foiled all her plans to hug him. So what?! She would've hugged him before this, but he keeps on stopping her!

Why did Yuffie want to hug him?

To rid him of the Emoh-Buggz™, of course! They're everywhere, and very sneaky! Yuffie was he only one who could save them all from the Emoh-Buggz™, but no one recognized her greatness! She needed to--

AH!

_THE VICTIM WAS GETTING AWAY!_

Yuffie scrabbled to her feet and made a flying leap at Cloud, who, in a sad attempt to leave, turned his back to Yuffie and started to walk away.

Quite suddenly, Yuffie's chest slammed against something again. She glared at the stony ground which she was sprawled across, then whipped her face to the side, glaring up at the older man, who had sidestepped her with ease, and stood over her with a look that was easily read as '_nice move, dumb-ass_'.

Not giving up just yet, Yuffie made a grab at Cloud's ankles, the blonde man bouncing up on the balls of his feet in a small jump, just in time to get Yuffie's knuckles to graze the underside of his shoes, before he landed nimbly just beside Yuffie's elbow with one foot, stepped over the young girl, and swept from the scene altogether.

Yuffie huffed haughtily and got to her feet, brushing the dust from her clothes.

She was going to get Cloud. She was! The Emoh Buggz™ were not going to win! Not while The Great Ninja Yuffie lived and breathed!

Oooh, did Yuffie smell _waffles_?

Flouncing off in the opposite direction Cloud went, Yuffie's brain was filled with waffles, butterflies and _pretty things_.

Only after finding Sora in Merlin's kitchen with Aerith, making waffles, did Yuffie get an idea.

An awful idea. She got a wonderful, _awful_ idea.

... So what if she read too much Doctor Sueus?! He was a genus! Come on, Green Eggs and Ham?! That was just pure God-ly-ness!

Anyway, half an hour later, her wonderful, awful idea went into action.

Cloud found himself in Merlin's living room, thumbing through some of the books quietly and taking no heed to Sora's babbling as the young teen bounced around Merlin and talked about something called a 'hunny-tree'.

"CLOUD!"

Cloud immedietly dropped the book he was olding and whipped around, raising a fist. Yuffie was not going to hug him, she was n--

"Oh. Hello, Sora," murmured the blonde, lowering his fist and giving the young, spiky-haired teen a blank look, waiting for him to say his piece and leave him alone.

Surprisingly enough, Sora merely beamed at Cloud and took a step toward the older man.

Cloud was a formidable fighter. He was very good at staring contests too. And, once, while being shitfaced from a large stash of Cid's sake, looked absolutely ravishing in one of Tifa's leather three-pieces.

There was a whip too, if Cloud had to remember the very few fragments of that night that had somehow stayed in his head.

But, that's another story.

Anyway, Cloud _knew_ when he was in trouble. From all of his past experiences.

Especially the one with the stilettos.

So, he backed away from the younger boy, but, unfortunately, he bumped into the bookcase behind him.

He had nowhere to hide.

Of course, anyone but Riku, Donald and Goofy would think that it's silly to be scared of the Kayblade Master; but, the ones listed above knew how the young teen's mind worked, and were thoroughly at awe at how mentally unstable he was.

Making sandcastles one second, smashing a heartless' skull into the pavement with his car-keys the next. It's _not pretty_.

Sora stood in front of Cloud; and his grin got just that little bit wider. He outstretched his arms and quickly slipped them around Cloud's middle and buried his face in the older man's chest.

There was a pause.

Cloud stared down at Sora's head of brown spikes an inch or so under his clavicles and rose an eyebrow.

A text-book example of a '_what the fuck_' moment, ladies and gentlemen.

Before Cloud could really ask what the teen was doing, Sora let go of him, gave him a blinding grin and pranced off.

Unbeknownst to Cloud –who's brain was suffering a Public-Show-Of-Affection-induced blackout–, Sora passed Yuffie on his way out of Merlin's house; the Great Ninja handing him three-hundred munny and shooting him a wink before he left.

"Sora, where have you been?" quacked Donald irritably as he crossed his wings, scowling as the teen came into the Bailey to meet them.

"Making the easiest three-hundred munny of my life!" Sora chirped brightly, swinging the Keyblade about blindly and giggling.

Goofy whipped out his shield and cowered behind it, Sora's Keyblade-swinging dangerously close to concussing Donald and making the duck fly into a wall, if it were not for a gloved hand stopping it's progress.

Sora looked up and his already blindingly-bright grin, uh, _brightened_.

"Heya, Leon!" the teen chirped, the older man releasing the Keyblade, basically ignoring Donald's quack of gratitude before the older brunette gave Sora a polite nod and walked into Merlin's house, Aerith by his side.

Just as Leon walked into Merlin's house and Aerith quickly stepped in too; a single squawk from the infamous Great Ninja Yuffie caused them both to freeze and stare openly at the only other two people in Merlin's house.

"I_ knew _you batted for the same team!"

Leon looked like he just swallowed a live goldfish whole, and Aerith looked like she just bore witness to a mass-murder of labrador puppies.

Cloud just stood by the bookcase, glaring bloody murder at Yuffie, who stood in the middle of the room, her arms held high, and her mouth sill open from the squawk she just made.

Yuffie decided to continue. "You don't let me hug you, and yet, you let Sora hug you! Discrimination! _DISCRIMINAAAATION!_"

Cloud, deciding not to dignify Yuffie with an answer, reply, or anything vocal at all, passed the girl, and made for the door directly behind Aerith and Leon.

"You're not denying it!"

Cloud paused, a few feet from the two stunned brunettes.

Cloud thought about it; either continue life while being called a homo, or converse with Yuffie. Homo, or Yuffie... Homo... Yuffie...

Huh. Tough call.

Finally, Cloud took the lesser of two evils and turned to Yuffie, fixing her with a flat, blank gaze. "I'm not gay."

"Prove it!" snapped Yuffie haughtily, waving a fist at him, advancing on him like a starving kitten on a open packet of minced chicken.

Cloud blinked. "Excuse me?"

Yuffie stood resolutely a foot away from Cloud and spread out her arms wide, her lips pressed in a firm line.

Cloud looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"Hug." The ninja stated.

Aeirth and Leon, who had moved slightly so they could watch the exchange with ease, had moved from 'behind Cloud', to 'just off to the side', their eyes slightly widened as they watched Cloud go a very light pink.

"I refuse," stated the blonde flatly, his skin going back to the normal shade of tan.

"_Why?!_" Yuffie wailed, waving her arms about her head.

Cloud just gave her a resolute glare and turned on his heel, quite intent on getting the hell out of there.

"_EMOH-BUGGZ!_" Yuffie wailed, flailing her arms about. Cloud paused and glanced over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

Aerith gasped, making a little '_oh_' noise, successfully turing all attention unto herself. She smiled and patted Cloud on the arm, speaking in a soft, gentle voice;

"Cloud, she thinks you're moody."

Cloud blinked at Aerith.

Aerith elaborated.

"Usually when someone's moody, a hug cheers them up."

Cloud blinked again.

Aerith gave him an imploring look, and he sighed.

Aerith must've been a hypnotist in a past life or something, because Cloud turned around to face Yuffie, and held his arms out slightly, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, his lips pursed together with annoyance.

Yuffie immediately squealed and launched forward, positively winding Cloud and clinging to him as she nuzzled into his chest. Cloud glared up at the heavens and blamed whatever gods there was for his predicament. Zeus was on holiday. Where? Cloud did not know.

Leon smirked and covered his mouth with a hand, trying his best not to snigger.

"If you say a _word_, I will shove my sword _up your ass_, Leonhart," Cloud snarled, trying to ignore Yuffie's arms, which seemed to be intent on squeezing all the air out of his lungs.

Luckily, for _both_ men, Yuffie was too busy fighting a mental battle against the Emoh Buggz™ to hear that statement, twist it to her own ideals, and use it for blackmail.

It's lucky Aerith was the back-up-blackmailer, wasn't it?

((END. Okay, explaining time. **ONE–** Despite what I have written here, I find the thought of Cloud being gay and having sex with Leon positively delightful. **TWO–** No, I do not support CloudYuffie. I just think they're friends, or at least acquaintances that don't talk that much. **THREE–** Yes, I am uncomfortable about posting this. Why? I have no damn idea. **FOUR–** No, I don't think Sora needed that three-hundred munny, I just think he did it from the good of his heart and just as an excuse to hug Cloud. **FIVE–** I think the person who chose to call the currency of the KH–verse 'munny' should be shot. **SIX–** I tried to make Cloud as In–Character as possible, so, please. Be gentle with me.** SEVEN–** This is what happens when I try to write humour. A complete pile of dog-fluff. Bleh. **EIGHT–** Last, but not least; I got lazy with the writing halfway through, so... yeah. The ending _sucks... _But, if you actually _read through all that_, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Review? Please? Reviews make me happy.))


End file.
